How to pray when you don't know what to say

Say what's true. That's the whole method. "God, I don't know what I'm doing" is a prayer, and a good one, and if that's all you've got tonight then you're done.

Everything below is for the nights you want more than one line: a structure Jesus gave when his friends asked him this exact question, the Psalms as proof that you're allowed to be angry and honest, and a list of short prayers for specific moments. But start with the truth, in your own words, out loud or in your head. Nobody is grading it.

Why does praying feel so awkward?

Because you're talking to someone you can't see, and you've mostly seen it done in films or by people who sound like they're reading.

It's also awkward because you're not sure anyone's listening, and you feel a bit foolish either way. That's normal. Plenty of people who've prayed for decades still have that feeling some nights. The disciples, who had Jesus in the room, still had to ask him how to do it. Awkward is the starting point, not a sign you're doing it wrong.

Two things that help. Drop the voice. You don't need "thee" or "Father God, we just", you need the words you'd use with someone who already knows you. And drop the performance. Jesus was blunt about this:

He already knows. That takes the pressure off getting it right, because there's nothing to get right. You're not informing God. You're turning toward him.

What did Jesus say to pray?

This. It's about sixty words, and most of what people call the Lord's Prayer is in it.

You can pray it word for word, and millions do, every day, and that's not cheating. But it's also a shape, and once you see the shape you can pour your own stuff into it. Six moves:

1. "Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy." Start by looking at him, not at your list. Even one sentence: "You're God. I'm not."
2. "Let your Kingdom come. Let your will be done." Hand over the outcome. Say the thing you're trying to control, then say "your call".
3. "Give us today our daily bread." Ask for what you need. Today's needs, not the next decade's. Rent, sleep, one friend, getting through the exam.
4. "Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors." Say what you did. Then say who you're holding something against, and whether you're willing to let it go.
5. "Bring us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." Name what's pulling at you. Ask for a way out.
6. "For yours is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen." End by looking at him again. It's his. You can go to sleep.

A prayer using that shape might take ninety seconds. It's enough.

Are you allowed to be angry at God?

Yes. The Bible has a whole book of prayers, and about a third of them are complaints.

That's David, and it's in the hymnbook Jesus grew up singing. There's a psalm that ends with "my friends into darkness" and no happy turn at all (Psalm 88). There's a psalm that says "my tears have been my food day and night" (Psalm 42). Jesus, on the cross, prayed the first line of Psalm 22: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

So the honest version of your prayer isn't a lesser version. It's the biblical one. If you're furious, say so. If you're not sure he's there, say "I don't know if you're there." If you've been let down, tell him he let you down. The Psalms give you the words if you can't find your own, and the book of Psalms is the place to look. Start with 13, 42, 22 and 62. The app has each one in a plain paraphrase next to the WEB text, which helps when the old phrasing gets in the way.

"Pour out" is the instruction. Not "tidy up and present".

What if you can't find words at all?

Then don't use any. Paul, who wrote half the New Testament, said this about himself:

Some nights prayer is sitting on the floor with your back against the bed and not saying anything. Christians have always believed that counts, because God isn't waiting for a transcript. Breathe. Say his name if you can. That's a prayer.

There's a story Jesus told about a religious man who prayed a long, polished prayer about how well he was doing, and a tax collector who couldn't even look up.

Jesus said the second man was the one who went home right with God. Seven words.

Ten one-sentence prayers for specific moments

Steal any of these. Change the words. Say them in your head on the bus.

1. Before you get out of bed: "God, I don't have much today. Whatever I have, it's yours."
2. When your anxiety spikes: "I can't slow my own head down. Please meet me in the noise."
3. Before an exam or interview: "Help me remember what I know, and be with me whatever happens."
4. When you've messed up: "That was me. I'm sorry. Please forgive me and help me put it right."
5. When someone's hurt you: "I don't want to forgive them yet. Help me get to wanting to."
6. When you're lonely: "You said you'd never leave. Please make that feel true tonight."
7. When you've been doomscrolling for an hour: "Pull me out of this. Give me something real to look at."
8. When you're grieving: "This hurts more than I can say. Stay close."
9. When something good happens: "Thank you. I noticed. That was you."
10. When you don't know if you believe any of it: "If you're there, I want to know. Show me."

If anxiety is the thing that's driving you to pray in the first place, the verses on anxiety pair well with these, and the five-day Anxiety Off plan is a short set of passages with a prayer for each day.

How long should you pray?

As long as you have. Two minutes, honestly said, beats twenty minutes performed.

The people who pray well aren't the ones with the best vocabulary. They're the ones who keep turning up, badly, on ordinary Tuesdays, and saying what's true. You can start tonight with one sentence. You probably already did, somewhere in this page, without meaning to.